Puja goes back to work today. The mood at home is quite grim. She is as stressed as she can be.
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However, last evening was beautiful. I was looking at the two daughters -- one busy with pretend play and the other busy bobbing her head in Puja's lap -- and I was thinking that these certainly are the best days of our lives. I know it is hard to acknowledge the fact and so much seems to be msising but still I don't know what else will top this.

It was Aroma's first Diwali yesterday. The poor thing still suffers and cries. We had a lot of fun but both kids were somewhat difficult. The elder one just because she can and the younger one isn't quite sure of how this thing outside the womb works.

Akshra left home around 5 to go play upstairs in the common area of the building. It is cold today or she would've gone out. The apartment went quite. But only for a few minutes. There suddenly was the sharp crying of a very young child. Very very young, indeed. Only about 3 days old. That was Akshra's new young sister Aroma and I had almost forgotten that she came home today. We have two daughters now - Akshra and Aroma.

Our second daughter Aroma was born just about two hours ago at 8:48 am after a long and difficult labor following a long and difficult pregnancy. The important thing is that both the baby and Puja are doing well. Aroma looks adorable. Very tiny but a copy of her elder sister Akshra!

Another sonogram last night and another confirmation that we are indeed having a girl!

Puja was so hopeful when she answer 'Do you know what you are having?' with an anxious question -- 'Girl, right??' and the technician nodded in affirmation.

We know we are having a girl. We've always known we were having a girl and it doesn't really upset me personally. I am a bummed about my poor mom and Neeraj bhai. I know they wanted a boy so badly.

Akshra goes to school all four days starting yesterday :-(

There has to be something lost in that I reckon. Though everytime I have gone and visited her in school I've found her having a lot of fun so I guess it is OK. However, in a way this sets her up for a life full of daily commitments and the daily drudgery. Maybe she can escape from it one day.

So yesterday we dropped Akshra at Shika's place in the city at Union Square and went to dinner at Vatan and then the film 'Hurt Locker'. We really had a good time. By the time the movie ended it was 12:30 am and we didn't want to disturb Akshra who was fast asleep with Shika. So, we decided that we'll pick her up in the morning the next day.

She is there now and this is the first day that she has slept outside our house -- and really the first night that she's been away from both her parents.

I woke up this morning feeling a strange vacuum in my belly. It was somewhat relaxing to not have to worry about her waking up but it was also somewhat purposeless. We really missed her. We had troubled falling a sleep last night, but we managed to sleep well once we did fall asleep :-)

I guess this marks another important even in her tiny life.

A tough mother's day today. Akshra has been quite sick with cold and allergies and has fever often as high as 102 this weekend. She is currently sick and sleeping. We had earlier gone to dinner at Ravindra's place. He did a really good job with dinner. Though Akshra hasn't really eaten at all today. I don't know how kids survive without food when all adults seem to want is food.

We gave Puja a bracelet (which we bid for in a charity yesterday) and a pack of massages -- the ones she loves intensely. So, hopefully things will get better for Akshra over the next day or two.

She wasn't so bad in the afternoon. I played puzzles with her for almost two hours. She seemed a bit weak but not overly so.

This is from Akshra's Spring 2008 book. It has been a while but I wanted to preserve it anyway. 

Akshra was finally off her bottle in March. Again, not a ton of resistance from her. Nights were hard but it got better soon.

Akshra has learned to utilize the garbage can and throws dolls and other things that upset her in it.

Her vocabulary keeps growing and it is probably the most enjoyable part of seeing her grow.  Some of her adorable words are:
    * Chai-bikum khilao; Dubki lagao; Nemo/Hanuman lagao; Are yaar; Are yaar nahi chalta, yaar; choket do; choket dia (you gave me chocolate); two-two banoon (two baloons); piya (when she takes a sip);

Akshra specially loves charming people with her antics anytime we go somewhere or when people show up at our place. She becomes like a different person.

Spring is such a great season. We got to spend so much time with her outside. We are really looking for 3 months of this weather -- hopefully even warmer before it all becomes cold and dark again.

She has gotten into this habit of going to my computer and banging on the keyboard. One day she managed to change the song and exclaimed - Doosra Gaana sunaya! Everyday it is a differnt story with her. One day she asks - Papa bread ban gayi? The other day she asks for the keyboard. Then one day - I show her the sun and she quotes Hanumaan out of nowhere -- Surya, tum jyada chamko mat! Cannot believe this girl.

Her new movie favorites are Shrek, Little Mermaid, Monsters, Inc!

It isn't all fun though. Her sleeping patterns continued to be terrible and she gives her mommy a real hard time. Her weight continues to go down and her desire for food is practically non-existent. She has gotten hooked on to chocolates and we give her two m&ms on special occasions.

Akshra is 20 months old now at 32 inches and 22 pounds.

It was Oscar night yesterday. It was the 81st Oscar award. I began to wonder how the 100th Oscar award is going to be. Just another 19 years away. 19 years! I will be 55 years old and Puja will be 52. Akshra will be (gasp) 22 years old and muun would be 18 - already an adult! Wow! How much are things going to change in 19 years. What a crazy idea!

A year ago, yesterday, Akshra started walking! What a joyous day it was. She was 17 months already and we were almost giving up hope. But there she was -- walking fast and furious -- out of nowhere one fine day. It was awesome.

I cannot believe a year has passed already. So much has changed and so little.

We went to the doctor the other day and yes, Puja is pregnant! We've known it between ourselves from the 2nd of January but somehow we kept it from even ourselves, or at least tried. Well, holy cow! Another child!? Seems crazy! It hardly seems like we've quite learned to accept our situation with Akshra. I mean she is great and all but we'vecompletely and totally lost our lives and we are still struggling to come to terms with it and now we have to think about what it would be to have two children to deal with on a day to day basis. Yes, it is very stressful to think about it. At the same time -- it is incredibly exciting. I am sure this one is going to be less hard on us and also it will give Akshra a different perspective on life.

Puja on the other hand, is really really struggling. She is finding this pregnancy an order of magnitude more challenging and difficult than the first one. She is suffering from all the issues one can think of -- body aches, morning sickness, heartache, acidity, depression, stress and just plain old fear. She is really very worried and doesn't quite know what to do about it.

I feel for her. Her last pregnancy was so good that this feels even more difficult to her. Also the fact that we have Akshra to deal with at this time makes it so much the harder for us.

On Akshra, I just look at her and feel sad -- because she will lose this status of being the 'princess' of the house so suddenly and she will have to share it with another human being -- one that will certainly receive more attention, if not more love, at least in the early years. It breaks my heart. However, on the other hand -- she will win a life-long admirer -- who will love her, worship her and look up to her forever. It is a beautiful thing!

It is 224 more days to go.

Back from Puerto Rico late Sunday night. Akshra is probably the only one of the three of us that had fun! I guess kids figure out a way to have fun everywhere. It was also her first time at the beach -- which went rather well on day 1 but the water was a bit too cold for her on day 2.

Also, she ate well -- we took a laptop and some movies and we got a microwave in the room so we were able to make oatmeal and pasta -- which she would eat watching the movies.

She also slept quite well.

After deliberating for many months we finally cut Akshra's hair yesterday morning. It was a heart-breaking experience. As we used my hair-cutter to slowly cut lock after lock -- it was so depressing to start to see her skin appear. Baldness in kids is almost always associated with bad things and we couldn't help thinkin about it. Akshra seemed to be fine except when she wasn't! Eventually she got scared from the whirring noise and would not allow us to continue any more. We tried very hard even when she cried but eventually we gave up. So what we were left with was somewhat of a hack job with tufts of here here and there.

Kind of sad but she still looks pretty and it was nice to see her plate finally. Also, I think some of her dandruff is going to get better attention now.

The only problem is that now we will need to give her another close cut.

Today is Akshra's 2nd birthday party. Though her birthday was on the 6th, we couldn't just get around to organizing a part. It has been quite difficult to get this party going. We have tried to keep it very simple and yet it hasn't been easy finding any kind of time. It is probably the last time we are having a big party with our friends coming over. We'll probably organize something smaller at our apartment next year.

Today is the big day! She is 2 years old. She was adorable today as she always is. She woke up very early and woke up very happy wanting to play and have fun. I was not out of the bed when she woke up this morning and she started leaving the room to look for me as she usually does. Puja had to tell her that Papa isn't up yet -- he is still in the room sleeping. I heard that and was strangely satisfied.
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Ravindra had come over last night from Baltimore and Sheru's family dropped by for some awesome Dal-Baafla lunch. We had a great time eating and then some wonderful time watching the kids fight with each other like crazy. Akshra and Ria have never gotten along and they fight with each other all the time over everything.
*

We watched some tennis and slowly the food took over and we were dozing away.

We went to a birthday party yesterday in the gazebo at East Hampton nearby. Saachi turned two years and was looking very pretty. Akshra was a her usual self at parties: aloof and a bit irritable. Not sure what happens to her but she is quite asocial at these events. Sort of like me. Hopefully she gets out of it.

We also, probably for the first time, saw a lot of kids that seemed about her age and she looked a bit smaller than all of them. It started to worry Puja that our daughter is going to turn out to be a 'shorty'. Well, if that is her only problem in life then how can we complain?

There were many parents who knew Akshu because they've seen her in the park where she plays during the day but those parents did not know us. It was strange to see strangers wishing Akshu although they were not strangers at all. Many of these folks came to us and told us how well Akshra speaks. They are so impressed and surprised that she speaks so well and so clearly at the tender age of 20 months they tell us. We bask in that reflected glory not really knowing what to say.

This just in -- Akshra walked on her own today for the first time. Today she completes 17 months exactly!

I am so excited!

One more hurdle crossed and now on to other problems...walking!

Akshra is back from her first India trip. She had a great time generally but also faced certain challenges. Her lip had the usual stress scar and the flights were not pleasant for her. She is of a particularly bad age for taking long flights.

However, she found so many people to love an entertain her which was great. She became so attached to Chaachu (Neearj) and Chaachi (Meenu bhabhi) in Indore and also to Varusha who was so amazingly patient and loving to her. Her Naana and Nanni also enjoyed her company so much. Everybody misses her today and they are all sad to see her go.

I felt really bad leaving her all alone with the babysitter this morning. From being the apple of everyone's eye she is now with a foreign person in just one day. It is a pity.

Finally, after months of waiting, Akshra's teeth came out this Thanksgiving weekend. While it was a very painful time for her. She cried more than we've ever heard her cry, we also took a deep sigh of relief. She finally has teeth after almost 15 months! We were beginning to lose hope.

This Thanksgiving weekend was rather tough. For one, we traveled to Columbus, OH to Ravindra's place to spend the weekend and on top of that Akshra was at her crankiest. This is the first time we flew over the Thanksgiving weekend. We've never done that before for the fear of the crowds. However, it seemed like due to the hype the airlines were better prepared and due to the high fares a bunch of folks decided to stay at home,

Akshra is 14 months old now. Time has flown by nothing has gone by so fast as the last 2 months. I remember her birthday as if it happened yesterday. Maybe the presence of her Naani and Nana helped the time go by faster. A lot has happened in Akshra's little life in the last few months that is worth mentioning. She still refuses to walk and she still has no teeth. She throws some tantrums now while having food and it is never clear when she will finish her food peacefully and when she will reject it. She is far more moody and cranky these days. They say this is a difficult age. However, don't get me wrong, she isn't a difficult kid at all. It is just that we are not even used to a little bit of tantrums from her. She has been such a good kid that we've been spoiled.

In fact, every time we put her to bed at night Puja and I often wonder what we deserved to get a kid like this. She is certainly too nice to be our child, we both being quite incorrigibly defective.

I just saw Akshu, Puja and her entire family off to a 4-day trip to Niagara Falls in Canada. They are flying to Buffalo where they will drive to the town on Niagara.

As I just waived them goodbye, I was wondering why exactly didn't I go with them? Yes, it will probably be a less formal and more fun trip for them without me but it still feels very odd. In fact I feel like I just abandoned by family.

Hopefully, the horrific weather we have this morning improves and they have a ton of fun.

We were at a party yesterday and Akshra for some reason broke into this dance that she could not stop! It was quite funny and entertaining. She danced for almost an hour and a half continuously! It wasn't just her usual shake-your-belly dance but a full routine lifting her little arms over her head and moving her fingers and all that. It was just hilarious! Everybody was just laughing and could not believe it.

Seems like Akshra is a party girl! She was so happy on her party a few days ago and now she is ecstatic in someone else's party as well. The conclusion I am drawing is that like most children she likes attention. However, she also seems to be ok with strangers which is pleasing at this point in her life.

Sure as hell, Akshu broke up with a red gash on the side of her lip and Puja and I were livid. We were so sad. Of all the days in the year she picked the day of her party. Thankfully the gash didn't reach her lips and they didn't swell as they usually do.
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We had the Birthday party from 1.30 pm to 6.00 pm and it was a very good party, if I may say so myself. People had fun and Akshra held up very well. She was happy and generally very upbeat. She did begin to get a bit tired by the end of it as the party ate her sleep time.

Akshra is an year old today. Wow! That's all I can say. Wow! Not just because she made it this far. That was never so much in doubt. Not even because we survived an year with a child. That was never too much in doubt either even though we had our moments. The biggest surprise is of course the speed with which this happened. It seemed like a blink of an eye.

It seems that way but we know that it wasn't quite like that. Every day was a full day. Every day was a different and new test. No nothing big happened apart from the occasional sickness and the horrible infection that bloodied her lips and scarred her face and the terrible 104 degree fever that slashed her weight by a couple pounds and dealt a lethal blow to her healthy weight gain. Akshra has been a great girl. Fiesty and fun-loving, almost never crying and never giving any great grief over eating. She has her preferences but she has generally been a great girl.

Over the year I've grown to love her in ways I didn't think it was possible to love anyone. Everything they said about your children doing that to you is true after all. It is an amazing new feeling that has no parallel. I still maintain some of my old notions about love (being this idea, a thought of a person rather than the person itself) but there is clearly that longing to be with her, to hug her to touch her to kiss her and possess her and crowd her with my love and adoration. It is a beautiful feeling even though it ultimately is a sign of submission.
*

I want to wish her love today. A lot of love and happiness and health. I want to wish her a long, prosperous life. As I say this I am reminded of how this is probably what all parents think when their kids are young -- God, just let them be and we don't care for much else. However, as the kids grow up we demand success, our own notions of it, from them and crush them under that weight even more so than the outside world does. It is sad because that makes us value them not as persons but almost like an investment Is this a good return on all my years of hardwork on you?, we seem to ask of ourselves.
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Akshra, you are probably not the greatest thing that could've happened to me (you might very well be) for I am still too selfish to admit that but you are certainly the most joyous thing that has ever happened to me or will happen to me.

I thank you for that.